Happy in the New Year

I’m probably never going to be able to fully articulate what a challenge 2015 was for me. Suffice to say I don’t look back on the past year with fond memories, and I fervently hope this year is as wonderful and generous as last year was miserable.

I had a disastrous relationship, lost my job, lost friends who meant the world to me, and that wasn’t even the worst of it. Ending the year on such a low note was something of a blessing in disguise though. I mean, so much went down that there’s nowhere else to go but up really, and I have this sense of relief ever since I resigned myself to starting over.

I personally think that it’s good to start over. You have to start over if you want to see an improvement in your life. And my life was falling apart more than it ever had before. I’ve always had problems with my mental health, but never to this extent before. So many life events kept happening that it kept piling up. I needed a break. Somehow. I needed to get away from it all. I remember my friend talking to me a while back about cannabis and how that helped her remain calm in the situations she was facing too. She sent me a guide some weeks ago from somewhere like Scholayoa that went into detail about dry herb vaporizers and bongs and which one was better for taking cannabis with. It was really informative, and I thought about it for a while because I really needed relief. I was desperate. But I have yet to try it. I think starting over is something I should try first, but it may be something that I consider in the future. If you were nervous about taking full-strength cannabis, you could buy cbd for women as a good place to start, and see if that made a difference, as it CBD can help with your overall physical and mental wellbeing, just without the “high” effect.

In spite of my generally negative feelings, I did learn many things over the past year, and one or two good things did happen, for which I’m grateful. I struggle with pretty serious social awkwardness, and even though I seem extroverted online, in real life, I’m very shy, and often have difficulty navigating social situations that are easy for most people. Some people came into my life by chance last year, and I honestly made an effort to learn something from each person. It mostly wasn’t easy, and I cried a lot. (Come to think of it, I’ve cried more in my adult life than I ever did as a child).

Accurate characterisation of my life as an adult.

Accurate characterisation of my life as an adult.

Oh, and I started drinking too. I developed the ability to polish off a bottle of wine all by myself, and now I understand why people drown their sorrows in alcohol. It definitely helps you slip away for a few hours, and forget the world.

This year though, I just want to be happy and take a real chill pill about everything in general.

Not as a goal, but anything that’s going to stress me out, or make me feel bad about myself, or add to my anxiety – thanks but no thanks.

In fact, I have already started to do some research into alternative remedies and herbal products that I can use going into the new year to boost my mental health.

For example, some friends of mine have been talking a lot about kratom recently. Basically, kratom leaves have been used in alternative medicine for chronic pain and other mental health conditions throughout history and it is a hugely popular natural remedy. Nowadays, some people even use kratom as a form of substitution therapy when faced with opiate withdrawal symptoms. For people living with addiction issues, kratom is, therefore, a potential solution.

On top of this though, I’m trying very much this time, to rely on myself for my own happiness and fulfillment, and the way I plan to do that is by addressing issues that have been a source of unhappiness for me full on, especially my body image, my finances, and my depression.

So many people sent me messages, comments, and emails full of love, support, and encouragement, and I wish I could personally thank every single one of you who did, but I literally received well over five thousand messages combined, and I’ll be responding to all of them well into summer. I can’t quite put into words my thanks, but I’ll try. Thank you for helping me get through one of the most difficult moments of my life.

As for those I thought were friends but when everything hit the fan, couldn’t be bothered to say even a word of encouragement or reach out, thank you for showing your true colours so I can avoid you.

Here’s to an infinitely better year, come what may.



There are 27 comments

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  1. Temisan

    Happy new year Lotanna (lovely name by the way). I’m sad to hear last year was horrible for you and I believe the online bullying that was promoted by subdeliveryman amongst others played a huge role in it. At a point, around the rape fiasco even though I don’t know you, I spoke to a lawyer and my friend whose dad was the former IG and still has links with top police in Nigeria and then sent subdeliveryman a message informing him that if anything happened to you that he will be tracked down and held responsible as the abuse, death threats and danger he was directing towards you was getting too much.

    You are a very strong and brave young woman btw because mahn…

    I think it might be wise to stay away from Twitter a bit (as you’ve been doing),block subdeliveryman and other trolls and seek some form of therapy. Also I pray that this year is a lot better for you and that you get all you wish for yourself.

    Sending love, light and e-hugs your way

    • sugabelly

      Happy new year, Temisan. Thank you for trying to do something about subdeliveryman. I really appreciate it. Even though I don’t voice it, his actions, and the actions of the people who support him are disgusting, and hurt me very much.

      Hugs back.

  2. blogoratti

    Hello lovely, I wish you a prosperous year ahead, filled with love and inner peace. And although the past can be hard to get past, I wish you strength for today and always to keep rising above the chaos. And if you ever need anyone to talk or cry to, I’ll be here.
    Warm greetings and best wishes!

  3. Oyinkan

    Sugabelly! Stop crying baby , I honestly think you are cut out for greater things . You’re intelligent , quick , artistic … The list goes on and on . I wish you Gods blessings this year and always .i also wish you a honest and loving relationship , one that makes you smile all day everyday . Happy new year Hun , and remember no matter how bad the situation gets , it will pass !

    • sugabelly

      Thank you so much. I’m also wishing for a honest and loving relationship. Whether this year or some time in the near future. A huge part of me has given up hope that that’s possible, but your comment makes me feel like maybe hoping for it isn’t such a bad thing. Happy new year to you too! Have an amazing year!!

  4. Vee

    Hi. Sorry about your 2015. Do you know anything about The Theory of Positive Disintegration? I think you fall in the category of gifted individuals and it will really help with autopsychotherapy. I’ve had a rough couple of years and it helped me a lot. At least knowing you’re not alone in this ‘unique’ pain you go through. If you do, more research doesn’t hurt, and if you don’t more fun reading. Have a great 2016.

    • sugabelly

      Hi Vee, no I’ve never heard about it, but now I’m going to go look it up. I’m sorry to hear you’ve had a rough time too, but it does help knowing I’m not alone. I hope we both have a great 2016.
      Happy new year to you too!!

  5. Cher

    I’m so glad you decided to write. I love the way you write . DONT STOP WRITING. Happy New Year Sugabelly , wishing you a great year ahead . Complete happiness . You’re a warrior . You will get through this . As you said once you’re down you absolutely have no way to go but up .

    I love my cell phone case , everywhere I go in different countries people are always asking me about it.

  6. Nee Fe Mi

    Happy New Year Dear, I wish you so much happiness but even much more an infinite joy that God gives (forgive me, you know i have to). Wishing you also a heart full of love and love received at every turn.

    Enjoy the year

  7. Doll

    Happy new year
    Sorry bout how shitty last year was but very positive that it will be better this year.

    Stay positive

    Be selfish about things that make you happy

    Do you

    And seek God

    • sugabelly

      Happy new year, Doll!!!
      I’ve promised myself I’m going to do my best to stay positive, and I really hope that will translate into how this year goes.
      Definitely going to try and be selfish about my happiness.
      No more killing myself for people that don’t appreciate me in the least.
      You have a happy new year too!

  8. Ifeoma

    Hi Lotanna, first and foremost , you are a strong , brave & very talented …I read your story and if I see you I would love to hug you and say it is well with your soul..You are beautiful, don’t let anyone make you feel less & You are fearless, don’t let fear block your strength..
    Be happy and I believe one day, all you ever dreamt of Would come to pass..Love you girly and all the best…Ifeoma Okere

    • sugabelly

      Hi Ifeoma, thank you for all your kind words. Hugs back. I’m seriously claiming all these wishes, and I’m hoping there are happy things to come soon.

      Happy new year!!

  9. Mizchif

    I just opened my Feedly and saw 7 new posts from you and got excited. I still wish I could read the entire post in Feedly.
    I’m so glad you’re writing more frequently again. And tweeting less. Even though it looks like you’ve resumed there again. But really you sound better already so whatever you’re doing now is working.
    Adulting is rough. But you’re a brilliant young woman and so you will do well.
    Stay beautiful.

    • sugabelly

      Thanks so much. How have you been? I miss Abuja so much, it’s crazy. Sadly I can’t allow full posts in my feed anymore because a of these unscrupulous Nigerian “bloggers” who are determined to copy my posts because they are too lazy to write their own.

      I don’t know who told them blogging is by force.

      How has your year turned out so far?

  10. Eyek

    I’m like 6 months late to this post and I guess a few years late to this gem of a blog. I loved reading this post because I definitely identify with it in a lot of ways. I really had a tough year as well but there is always hope, always. Many more strength and grace I pray for you.


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