Nigerian Men, Entitlement, and Street Harassment

First of all let me start by saying how bummed out I am that I missed the The Future Awards Symposium for Young Leaders in Ekiti this weekend. I was ill last week so there was no way I could go even though I was invited. From the buzz on Twitter, it sounds like it was a lot of fun.

 

Anyway…

So last night I went for a walk. It was an exercise kind of walk not really a sight seeing sort of walk so it involved me walking back and forth repetitively along a particular stretch of street. Now there I was enjoying my walk when three men appeared at the end of the street right in my exercise path.

I kept walking towards them thinking one of them would move to make way for a passing pedestrian but the closer I got to them, the more obstinately they stood in my path until I collided head on with one of them. Already I was irritated that he did not get out of the way in spite of having seen me coming a good minute well in advance, but when I turned around to start the next leg, one of the men tried to get my attention:

Hello….

I ignored him. First because I didn’t see any possible reason why he could want to talk to me. All I had on me was my ipad which was firmly in my hand and acting as my GPS to track my walk path. Since I had not dropped it, there was nothing to talk about, and more importantly I did not know who he was so I didn’t stop.

I got to the other end of the street and turned, making my away again towards the end where the three men stood smoking and talking.

As I made to turn on their end, the SAME man tried to speak to me again:

Hello…. I feel like I knew you when you were tender…

 

Aside from the fact that this has got to be the CREEPIEST statement I have ever heard in my life, I couldn’t get over the level of rudeness it requires to interrupt someone who is clearly BUSY DOING SOMETHING IMPORTANT when you KNOW you have absolutely nothing WORTHWHILE to say.

Again I ignored him and continued pounding the street wondering how long it would take him to get a hint.

When I got to their side of the street the third time, this time he said:

You look like Queen Latifah, I’m sure you wanna get to know me…

The un-imaginativeness of this one is breathtaking. So basically any woman not slim or thin automatically looks like the one fat celebrity you know. For the record I look nothing like Queen Latifah.

 

The fourth time, he said:

I hope I’m not disturbing you…

 

Ekene dili Chukwu and Glory be to God…. Wow, that took a mighty long time didn’t it???????

But it was really short lived because the fifth time he said:

“I know I shouldn’t disturb you but … “

 

Gee, so you KNOW you are disturbing me but you just blithely go ahead and continue?

Finally, on my seventh turn, he and his friends began walking down the street towards me. I kept walking towards them but mentally I was calculating how much time I’d have to stab the second and third one’s eyes out after punching the first one in the throat if they tried to touch me.

They didn’t try to grab me or anything but as we crossed paths, that same guy said:

I’m leaving, do you know you may never see my face again?

 

Someone give this guy the blockhead award of the year because his brain must be made of concrete.

 

And that is the story of how my walk was ruined but there’s more.

This is more than just a story of a ruined walk. It’s an example of how Nigerian men feel so entitled to women’s bodies that they have the guts to interrupt women who are going about their daily lives just to unwantedly insert their stupid sexual advances into your consciousness.

It was GLARINGLY obvious to anyone on that street that I was engaged in a very specific activity. In total I walked the length of that street thirty-six times. Back and forth, back and forth.

This man felt so entitled to my time and my attention in spite of me not knowing him from Adam, that he had the guts to put his desire to make an advance towards me ahead of my right to engage in and enjoy my personal activity.

More importantly, while he cannot particularly be blamed for his first attempt to talk to me, all subsequent attempts even when it was obvious I was not interested in returning his advances show how arrogant, entitled, and stupid he is. It is this same level of arrogance and entitlement that leads to the rampant street harassment Nigerian women face on a daily basis.

Nigerian women cannot walk ANYWHERE without being harassed with comments and unwanted touches from men on the street.

Why should a man feel that he has the right to interrupt the activity of a woman especially when that activity clearly indicates that she is not there to entertain his advances? And more importantly, why should a man continue his unsolicited intrusion when the woman has made it clear that she does not want or welcome it?

It’s all part of the “No really means Yes” attitude that men in this country have and it is a DISGRACE.

No NEVER means Yes.

No does NOT mean “Yes, after a long time”

When someone tells you No, whether by saying it verbally or by their body language or their actions, then for fuck’s sake, STOP.

 

Nigerian fathers, teach your sons not to be rapists and not to harass people, especially women. If your son is a street harasser, a sexual harasser or just a plain old misogynist, it is YOUR fault, they learned it from you.

Nigerian men, if you are one of the reasonable ones that does not behave like an animal towards women, please advise your friends against their animalistic behaviour.

 

Is it just me or has anyone else been a victim of this kind of ridiculous harassment?



There are 73 comments

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  1. pearl

    I feel like I knew you when you were tender…” lol. when you were tender ke! ..trust me.. I think every Nigerian girl has experienced this. Back when I was in Edo state, I never wanted to go to the market,, all sorts of men touching me and grabbing my hand, or around my estate theses guys give out lots of speeches, Some even have the guts to knock on my father’s gate! lol it is funny but on a serious note, Naija men should understand that No means no…

    • sugabelly

      I haven’t been to the market since I was like twelve. I just flat out refuse. The very thought of going to the market fills me with panic. All those men grabbing you with their grubby hands. It’s awful.

  2. Beautiful

    lol what an opening line, “I feel like I knew you when you were tender..”.

    Anyway, I would not say its a “nigerian men” thing. I do not live in Nigeria, I live in a place where its haram (forbidden) for a man to touch a woman who is not his spouse however catcalling and all sorts is still very rampant. In broad daylight, I think men see it as a cue for “toasting”.

    In as much as we address the male point, I believe the female angle should also be addressed. Some women (not only nigerians once more) have learnt to attach importance to men calling out on the road. That is why you hear some spinsters say, “Is anything wrong with me, when I go out no man even notices me”. Its a two way street because if some women no longer see it that way, I don’t think some (the almost sane ones) men would keep at it.

    Its a very irritating act though especially when you go to the market. However, would it be seen in a different light if you were in a banking hall for instance waiting your turn and he threw the “tender” line?

    • sugabelly

      I think it’s a Nigerian thing in that Nigerian men are extremely bold and unrelenting about it. Not only do they intrude significantly to the point of actively preventing someone from going about their business, but they just can’t take no for an answer.

      I don’t think the setting would have made a difference. In a bank it would have been even more irritating if anything.

      • Somiexo

        It’s not a Nigerian thing it’s and African thing have experienced the same level of uselessness from South African, Congolese and Angolan men. They just feel it is their right to talk to you and you do not have the right to refuse them bleh!

        • sugabelly

          I’m pretty sure it happens in other African countries too. I’ve only visited not lived in other African countries so I can’t say for sure but I know I’ve seen that sort of behaviour from men from other African countries in school abroad so I’m not surprised to hear that.

  3. Toinlicious

    Aww, so i’d have met you 🙁 Sometime soon then. Symposium was awesome
    As for men and their self-entitlement attitude? It’s just a reflection of our patriarchal society

    • sugabelly

      I’m still smarting from missing the symposium. Don’t remind me. And yes, it has A LOT to do with patriarchy and the idea that a woman’s body should be accessible to a man even if she doesn’t know him.

  4. kaura

    “I feel like I knew you when you were tender” As if you’re a piece of chicken, smh, I know what you mean, The last time I was in Nigeria I hated going to the market because ,it was a given that somebody would grab or tug my arms (the extra fleshy part).Men in general probably have that entitlement issue but it’s Nigerian men that I’ve noticed being more public with it, like “how dare you not want to engage in conversation with me, how dare you have standards”

  5. Sir Farouk

    I feel like i knew you when you were tender, lol! Kpele. Women have it so hard in this country. I would have stopped after the 1st or 2nd try at saying hello but then in Nigeria it seems that men who give up easily are seen as not having enough game or something because I have seen the persistent man get the girl’s attention, he keeps making silly comments till she cracks a smile. That being said, we do really need some kind of re-orientation for the men to understand that no means no and for the women to learn that dont give in just because he keeps bothering you. But then I might have caught the entitlement syndrome.

    I was so going to write about this sometime but never got to it.

  6. naijabrit88

    What is also disgusting is how some of the older men tend to go after young girls who are not interested. Some can say the don’t blame them when some girls openly use these men to get cars, money and clothes in the form of “sugar daddyism”. When I was in Junior Secondary School, I was walking with some girls and a teacher from the Senior section of my school back to the Junior section. Both were within an estate. Some useless old man came as close as he could as I was walking and said ‘I want to sex you up’. I was disgusted. It’s a shame that he was bold enough to go up to a girl that was between 13 – 14 and that I still remember it.

    • sugabelly

      OMG how frightening! When I was fourteen I was having dinner with my Mom at Al-Basha and a senator sent his driver to give me his card. My Mom went postal on the guy. Older Nigerian men need to learn to respect themselves

  7. Ginger

    I have my market face. The expression is of someone who just saw a dead cockroach in her sandwich and it is the expression I give just as that hawker is about to lift his hands to touch my arm.

    Works like a treat.

  8. lohiog

    When I went to Nigeria in 2011, I wanted to know what it was like to go the the market(I have never been before) So my aunt got the lady that does her shopping to take my friend and I. I wore some high wast pants and a shirt and came downstairs. They all started laughing at me. That do I not know I am going to the market. I was so confused like ummm its pants and a tee. They told me I have hips and ass and unless I wanted to be seriously harassed, then I better go and change. I simple wore a longer shirt that covered my bum. It was so weird to be at the market. people pulling you and stuff. i was so uncomfortable. But I guess that is naija for you. Sucks that these things are ‘normal” there. i do not think I will ever go to a market again though…and it wasn’t even a busy market.lol

  9. Ogechi

    It is not a small something that women face. I remember Yaba market used to be a nightmare. “Nkechi, you know know me again?” amongst many snide comments……

  10. lucidlilith

    “I feel like I knew you when you were tender…” lwkmd. things have not gotten better in my homeland. at all at all.

  11. tobenna

    Hilarious actually.
    I do know that men are men everywhere.
    I stand corrected.
    Perhaps we tend to not hide it as much as other peoples…
    But then again, even amongst fellow Africans, they regards Nigerians as pretty loud and brash.

  12. Edwige Suzan Olivier

    Well can you blame the male species who are moved by sight at every point in time. There was this time a friend of mine needed to take the bus. As a lovely Lady concerned who dressed casually but very attractively, she caught the attention of many at the bus stop to the point that even Danfo driver dey eye. The worst happened and for a split second one would conclude that looking good is actually bad business. Behold, in a matter of seconds a passing conductor in his Danfo stuck his hand out and grabbed the protruding boob of my friend and before we could erase the shock and raise an alarm to such harassment, The bus kept going and the beclouding noise rendered us fools in the crowd. Man’s domination didn’t start today and whether we want to admit it or not, it never ends.

  13. Sykik

    The one I detest most is if you venture enter Lagos Island market for shopping. The guys just keep pulling and taunting you. I can’t understand why you must pull, touch or hold on to someone because you want the person to buy something from you. It’s creepy.

  14. Queen

    Oh trust me they are irritating like that. Just try walking through yaba market. Those ibo boys will just harass you and if you so much as shoot him a dirty look or wrestle your hand free they start telling you how ugly you are. Recently in a bus a guy tapped me from behind, passed his phone and with his thick accent said ‘put ya number’. Its sooo annoying.

  15. Gotta Say It

    I saw Eche replying/retweeting you on twitter and I wanted to make a comment. I’ve lived in Nigeria before and I completely agree with you. Generalization or not… you are correct. ANY woman walking on a NIgerian street is susceptible to sexual harassment by a Nigerian man. IT IS TRUE. IT IS A FACT.

    Sexual harassment includes (but is not limited to) the following things…
    • Actual or attempted rape or sexual assault.
    • Unwanted pressure for sexual favors.
    • Unwanted deliberate touching, leaning over, cornering, or pinching.
    • Unwanted sexual looks or gestures.
    • Unwanted letters, telephone calls, or materials of a sexual nature.
    • Unwanted pressure for dates.
    • Unwanted sexual teasing, jokes, remarks, or questions.
    • Referring to an adult as a girl, hunk, doll, babe, or honey.
    • Whistling at someone.
    • Cat calls.
    • Sexual comments.
    • Turning work discussions to sexual topics.
    • Sexual innuendos or stories.
    • Asking about sexual fantasies, preferences, or history.
    • Personal questions about social or sexual life.
    • Sexual comments about a person’s clothing, anatomy, or looks.
    • Kissing sounds, howling, and smacking lips.
    • Telling lies or spreading rumors about a person’s personal sex life.
    • Neck massage.
    • Touching an employee’s clothing, hair, or body.
    • Giving personal gifts
    • Hanging around a person.
    • Hugging, kissing, patting, or stroking.
    • Touching or rubbing oneself sexually around another person.
    • Standing close or brushing up against a person.
    • Looking a person up and down (elevator eyes).
    • Staring at someone.
    • Sexually suggestive signals.
    • Facial expressions, winking, throwing kisses, or licking lips.
    • Making sexual gestures with hands or through body movements.

    (cite- http://www.un.org/womenwatch/osagi/pdf/whatissh.pdf)

    I personally DO NOT know any woman who has walked the streets in Nigeria and has not experienced one or more of the above. You are not generalizing because it is true. It is a norm in Nigeria. The problem is, these men might not understand what they do to be sexual harassment. They might think of it as “toasting”, “chyking”… whatever it is they call it.

    • sugabelly

      Thanks for the list. It should be required reading in every primary and secondary school and university. Making unwanted sexual comments or commenting on someone’s body in a sexual manner or touching someone without permission, especially after you have been told to stop is HARASSMENT!!!!

  16. anonymous

    when you were accosted the first time didn’t your brain tell you it was a good time to go home or walk somewhere else?? sigh you sir are the blockhead , i’m disappointed he didn’t rape you sef

      • sugabelly

        Don’t mind the fool. When I say we have an epidemic of rape in this country people start shouting that they’re not like that, but then their fellow Nigerians come and leave rape-supporting comments like this so how many people are really “not like that”?

    • archiwiz

      And of course you are anonymous. When you take time to think about what you have written here, and the impact on your future daughters, come back and apologize. Idiocy does not need to breed.

  17. Eris (@PetiMadmoiselle)

    Getting angry does not work. I learned that a long time ago. Beating them at their own game, does. I was in a market once, wearing what I wanted and not giving a fuck; one dude passed a very lewd comment in my language, thinking that I wouldn’t understand, to which I promptly responded with a sweet smile and an iron glint in my eye, “Look at the sort of things you’re saying outside, shouldn’t you reserve that for a beer parlour?” He immediately apologised. You must understand, market people are bored out of their minds. Taunting girls is a sport for amusement, they’re trying to piss you off. If you let them, they win. Try laughing it off with a smartass response next time. People you don’t give a fuck about should not be able to piss you off. That’s my logic.

    • sugabelly

      I think laughing it off gives off the impression that what the person did was not that bad. I don’t think it should be tolerated at all and the person doing it should know immediately it is no laughing matter and a very serious offense.

      Boredom is not an excuse for sexual harassment.

    • abimbola

      You guys need to go to the market with my mother! All my memories of the market are of the rather unfortunate fellow(s) who tried or attempted to try to touch us. Even if she was walking ahead of us – striding purposefully – she had some sort of radar ability to know when we were about to be grabbed. I deem the fellow unfortunate because the manner of hell that my mother would reign down on this person’s head was so much that we always drew a crowd of people begging for clemency (Please I don’t usually speak/write like this, your blog brings out the intellectual in me). Anyways, my mother is a feminist and one thing I can say about her is that she taught us as early as 3-5 years old what sexual harassment was. It was from her that I learnt the definition of rape (don’t worry we weren’t raised in fear of harassment or rape). My mum was the one who told me to slap any boy who touched me inappropriately – which is why till today, I am quick to slap any man who touches me without my explicit permission. I even do it unconsciously sometimes. She also taught me that NO means NO.

  18. BFG

    Oh, sure. Let’s look at it like Nigerian women are blameless. Let’s pretend like most of them can’t go to buy Agege bread next door without looking like it’s Prom Night. Let’s pretend like it makes any sort of sense to walk around alone. At night. In Nigeria. Let’s pretend like a lot of women do not derive their self-confidence from this same attitudes you all find revolting. Remove the logs in your eyes first, ladies.

    • Nwunye

      WHY ON EARTH does it matter what a woman wears or does not wear? Why should I have to suffer the indignity or not exercising, ‘walking somewhere else’ simply because three guys full of ‘tender knowledge’ don’t know that no means no? That’s just nonsense what you’re saying mate. We see boys in ‘singlets’ and tight shirts, grabbing their bulges all the time, I see no woman walking up to them and touching them inappropriately or screaming ‘Put your number’ etc. That is just not how we are. It has nothing to do with what the person in question is wearing, biko.

      I remember once in Eke Awka merket I got pulled by the arm so hard that my watch cut into my skin and then broke. It was metal chain link.

  19. Ibrahim

    Interesting post I must say but I think its highly unfair to like generalize dat its all nigerian men who are like dat. I don’t condone such attitude of approaching a lady on da streets wit such cheezy pick up line n all,but in truth some ladies actually do fine such appealing(one man’s meat is anoda man’s poision). All am saying is this not every nigerian man has mud in his brain. Cuz I beg to differ n I feel a bit insulted being categorized in da same line wit such irritants. But I do feel ur anger n disgust. Again interesting post.

      • Ibrahim

        Well it must have been in response to some of the comments. But like I said I don’t condone such behavior from da male gender n all cuz I knw I couple of times I asked some guys how dey feel wen they do such n how will they feel if dat is being done to their female relatives(sisters n all). I almost had to get in to a fisticuff wit one dat tried molesting my cousin a few years back. I still there is a better way to talk to a lady,even if its on da streets u meet her!

  20. Jade

    Weda they r going to buy agege bread naked or not,they r adults with a choice to wear what dey want on their bodies. I once went to Yaba market my friend who happens to be very hairy,when this guy saw the hair on her chest,he said “wow if this one is this much how will the down below be?” N then proceeded to slap her bum,good a thing my friend has a black belt,she slapped d shit outta him.Imagine d pain n embarrasment she must have felt.my neighbor tried to put his penis I’m my mouth when I was eight n he touched my vagina too.every single female I know has been harrassed!my mother included. It is VERY VERY rampant in Naija! 🙁

    • sugabelly

      Gosh how crude and disgusting can these market people be??? I am so sorry for what happened to you when you were eight. Something similar happened to me when I was six and I know LOTS of other women that have similar stories of harassment or molestation to tell.

  21. KBANS Boy

    hey, I just read your blog post and I was wondering, what if the guy is from Ghana or somewhere else?? Does that make all of ’em there too the same as Nigerian men (rapists or sexual harassers) ??

    • sugabelly

      I am a Nigerian, writing about something that happened in Nigeria. What happened in Ghana is not only irrelevant to this post but not really my concern. Let’s stick to the topic yes?

  22. gazelledusahara

    Your Nigerian example makes me think about the places I’ve been where street harassment is a BIG problem (especially Egypt). What happened to is something that I can see happening to women is a lot of places, the problem just seems to be getting worse. I wonder if street harassment (like rape) is really about power? If the men who do this crap are using it as a means of asserting their power and control of the “weaker” members of society? Sometimes I wish this kind of behavior could be rationalized somehow, if they are just being d*^&@! heads, then how will we ever make it stop? 🙁

  23. Srogo

    In Canada I can walk at night down the street alone in a prom dress and nothing happens. The only time I am undressed by men’s eyes is when I am in class with Nigerians. They are persistent and will not take no for an answer. I feel very sorry that these Nigerian women can’t even go to the market without feeling harassed.

  24. LuvChild

    I have nothing to say except, I feel you on this one. The whole deal with Nigerian men and harassing random women on the road in the name of “toasting” is just something out of a Nigerian movie. I for one choose to blame the whole annoying habit on Nigerian movies. Like I always say, Na Nollywood cause am!

  25. uche

    I thank God I’m not the only one that thinks Nollywood is the cause of our problem(s) in Nigeria. They should go and review all those movies abeg!

  26. Yele

    Lool this piece got me rolling meyn…u got me when u added that line about I knew you when u were tender, like whats that? Kai 9ja..anyhow sha can I just say I love your blog, like I absolutely do..I mean I have been around for a while and looking through our old posts, I gotta give you kudos your honesty and ofcus your writing is just too smooth, it’s kinda like baby oil on a baby’s bottom, lol..I am much in love with your style..runing to read previous posts..well done love 🙂 x

  27. Johnson A.

    Hello Sugabelly. I like the work you are doing with Nsibidi characters. Please keep up the good work. I stumbled upon this site searching for anything and everything on Nsibidi and early Nigerian history. It’s really sad that Nsibidi didn’t develop into proper logographic writing before the Portugese came in the 1400s. Even sadder that our ancestors chose to suppress Nsibidi. In moments of weakness I like to fantasize about a past in which our ancestors developed a strong writing system and record keeping, such that when Europe first came to West Africa, they met technologically equal trade partners. Oh well…..

    I just want to thank you for your tinkering with Nsibidi. It’s reassuring to come across young Nigerians like you, who in their own little way preserve our art. I wish there’d been many like you long before the1400s.

    As for the Creepy dude you met on the road. I’d like to apologize for his behavior. Hopefully not all of us Nigerian men are as unimaginative and rude. Hopefully some of us still have genuine respect for women.

    I’m curious: how would you have reacted if the same scary dude, instead of saying “you look like queen Latifah” had said, “You look like Queen Boudica roaming the fields of Norfolk”?

    Thanks.

    P.S. – if you haven’t already done so, you might enjoy visiting the African section of the British museum in London. Early Benin and Nri people were better artisans than we give them credit for. I saw a few artists painting and sketching there. Perhaps a person interested in precolonial african art might be interested in the place.

    • sugabelly

      Yes I would have. I don’t know why men think telling a woman you look like “Queen XYZ” is supposed to excuse the fact that their attention is unwanted. Street harassment is street harassment. Don’t care what Queen you think I look like.

      Also Nsibidi had NOTHING to do with the Portguese. Igbo people had very little contact with the Portuguese, almost none.

      The people who had regular contact with the Portuguese are the Bini people. (And maybe Yoruba too).

      Igbo people had pretty much nearly zero meaningful interactions with the Portuguese.

      • Johnson A.

        I should have explained better: I was implying that if Nsibidi and other forms of writing had been fully developed in southern Nigeria before the slave trade and colonial periods, record keeping (and therefore Science and Technology) would have been more advanced by the time the Portuguese arrived. In other words, they wouldn’t have met easy victims when they arrived. The Zulus had skilled armies and almost withstood colonization – their only problem, like ours was limited technology (spears and knives). Technology always depends on record keeping, and accurate record keeping depends on written language. If Nsibidi had changed to logographic writing, it would have been possible for our ancestors to record and improve their science like the early Chinese and Egyptians did.

        Yes, the Bini kingdom controlled trade along the entire coast of Nigeria when the Portuguese came, but i think it’s a stretch to say the Igbo had no business with them, considering that:
        1. Igbo slaves were sold to the Portugese
        2. The southern states of Nigeria (E.g. Rivers State) were distinctly Igboid when the Portuguese came.
        I’ve even met someone in Awka whose mother can trace her ancestry to a Portugese person – don’t know how reliable that is though (no records to verify).

        For the record, I don’t go about telling girls that they are Queens (no nuance in that), and I’ve never harassed any girl on the street or anywhere else. I’m all for gender equality and mutual respect. But it’s not exactly a sin if a guy on the street takes an interest in you. It means he found you attractive. His manner was rude and he should have known when to quit, but as vulgar as it was presented and as bad as his intentions may have been, the Queen Latifah nonsense was meant to be a compliment. Queen Latifah is a beautiful woman. I’m not justifying his behavior, but I’m pretty sure he wouldn’t go after every single girl he sees on the street.

        • sugabelly

          But who says Nsibidi wasn’t fully developed? Just because it doesn’t resemble the most popular writing systems today doesn’t mean it was used for record keeping or practical to use.

          There are lots of information systems that non-white people have abandoned because one white man says so, and when you try to approach a completely alien information system after a lifetime of living in a whiteness influenced world, suddenly it seems too difficult, to strange, too impractical or convoluted.

          Case in point:

          The traditional Igbo number system is in Base 20 not Base 10.

          But because white missionaries and the British government said so, self-appointed “Igbo Leaders” of the 1960s totally abandoned our number system and reassigned it in Base 10.

          And do you know what shows how stupid old Igbo people are?

          After abandoning a Base 20 counting system in Igbo for the English Base 10 system, they then RE-LEARN the SAME Base 20 counting system for French.

          So you abandoned it because one white man said so. Then you relearn it because another white man said so. But you can’t learn it because it came from your culture.

          And UNWANTED sexual advances are NEVER a compliment. So what if you like me? If I don’t like you it’s meaningless. And while you can’t be blamed for the initial contact attempt, once the person rebuffs you, and you proceed, it becomes harassment.

          Nobody cares that the guy is attracted to the girl. So? Men blow off girls that are attracted to them ALL THE TIME.

          After all, what’s that saying?

          Pretty girl that repeatedly shows up at your door at 3am uninvited is a “Friend”

          Ugly girl that repeatedly shows up at your door at 3am uninvited is a “Stalker”

          Women aren’t here to pity men when we are the ones who consistently suffer more at their hands.

          So excuse us while we pour ourselves a nice tall glass of Male Tears and drink up.

          • Johnson A.

            Nsibidi clearly didn’t transition from ldeographic writing to logographic writing. It has that in common with cuneiform writing from Sumeria and hieroglyphs from early Egypt. I’ve scrutinized Nsibidi script myself, but you don’t have to believe me – go ahead and ask any reliable scholar you can find – it was a Picture writing system, not a Word writing system. Besides, all fully developed writing systems have a relatively advanced civilization that actively used them to store large numbers of records on Clay, Paper, Metal and Rocks. The Mayans, Chinese, middle kingdom Egyptians and Arabians are proof of that. Wherever a writing system is fully developed, science succeeds. Nsibidi was not extensively used, and proof of that is the scarcity of records written in Nsibidi and the crude science our forefathers practiced. (PLEASE BELIEVE ME, I DON’T DERIVE ANY JOY FROM ADMITTING THESE FACTS FROM OUR PAST).
            There’s one thing even the worst of conquerors on earth cannot do – completely wipe out all traces of what was there before them. Hitler couldn’t do it, Ramesses II and other Pharoahs couldn’t do it, For all the effort Alexander’s people put into giving credit for Egyptian records to Greek scholars, he didn’t completely succeed. My point is, if a writing system is full developed and extensively used, it would take nothing short of a super asteroid falling on earth to wipe out traces of it.

            The issue of the guy who disrespected you on the road is a very sensitive one, so I’ll refrain from saying anything else about his behaviour. What he did was clearly wrong. But a relatively decent man with three decent sisters who has devoted his life to not making women “consistently suffer at his hands”, i do not like what the man did, but at the same time the title of this article feels like a broad label on all of us.

          • Johnson A.

            LWKMD…..Tall glass of male tears? Trust me – you don’t want to drink that – it would taste worse than concentrated onugbu sap.

  28. gabe

    Does no always mean no? Maybe when a girl is acting completely uninterested when I ask her out etc but we are in the same hotel room n we ve got our clothes off and u moan no when I’m getting in on? That’s ‘please don’t stop’ in ANY language. And all these girls ‘forming’ like guys paw you EVERYTIME u leave d house PULEEEZZEE!

    • sugabelly

      Yes No always means no. Just because someone’s body naturally responds to stimulation the way it’s supposed to doesn’t mean they actually want to have sex with you.

  29. Mcreri

    seriously though…what is UP with Nigerian men? I live in London and this sort of thing in commonplace. But it’s not something ALL black men do, not even all African men! It is 100% Nigerian-born men who get up to this sort of obnoxious nonsense…which leads me to ask, is there something in Nigerian culture where the men are taught never to listen to a woman when she clearly demonstrates that she is not interested? Are these men stupid or just so arrogant that they can’t imagine a woman would not be interested in their creepy-as-hell ‘romantic’ approach?

    • Marra

      LOL! i stumbled across this blog because i was desperately searching for women who have suffered at the hands of Entitled Nigerian men. (lemme point out that this kind of behavior is NOT exclusive to Nigerian men or African men, all men do it, our African brothers are just less subtle, ergo massive sense of entitlement).

      I have just learned to blank them out, obviously you will have the occasional dick heads who will continue to follow you. Once i decided because i was having such a bad day anyone who crossed me that afternoon was in for it. So i will walking down the streets of East London, minding my own bloody business as most Londoners do, only for this hot mumu to start following me, i told him to fuck off, he still followed me…. Solution? i knew that there were always police officers stationed at a particular Underground stop, so i walked with my uninvited companion to the station, and then i went over to one of the police officers, and said ‘that man has been following me since i left my house, Help”. Te he he, the man walked away.

      I do not know why they think it is okay to treat your fellow human being or fellow African like that. If a woman tells you she is not buying what you are selling. Take your goods else where. PLAIN and SIMPLE.. urghh. That’s my 2 kobo

  30. adelee1890

    despicable, abhorrent, repulsive, revolting, disgusting, distasteful, horrible… i could go on with my denunciation of the behavior of SOME Nigerian men. Some, because within the glut of disgusting people and behavior there are still men out there who respect the dignity of women and unfortunately are counted with the bad by the inevitable association of being male and being Nigerian.
    It is almost impossible to have a friendly chat with a woman in public these days without getting the “na who you be look”, yet every so often, some girl smiles at, talks to and even grabs (just once sha) at me in public and i haven’t come to label all Nigerian women yet.
    The onus falls on parents to educate their children: fathers should show responsible patterns for their sons to follow and mothers should teach their sons how to love, protect and respect women (she happens to be the first woman they would ever love and fear why not use this platform to form strong character traits for the next woman he meets to enjoy).

  31. Melisa80

    I just discovered your blog today. I appreciate you and look forward to reading many more entries (this being my second). That being said, I’m an American Black that lives in a relatively small city but nonetheless receive the incessant calling on the streets and the physical contact as well. In any society that is male dominant, I feel these things are bound to occur. I don’t feel that it’s right and many times women are blamed for inviting such intrusions and that’s wrong as well. Men feel just because they are able to do something that they should be able to do what they can. That’s wrong too

  32. Bayo Oninure

    I don’t think all Nigerian men are like that but there is this elitist thing that equivalent university degree to enlightenment / educative. These people have degrees but have nothing in their skulls. They lack manner of approach and very crude in nature. Sometimes you wonder where they come from.

  33. Anna

    He knew you when you were tender?!?! What are you? Meat?

    Anyway, based on my experience, I believe it’s an African thing. I’ve had several African men ask me out and when I say no, they proceed to try to wear me down with unwanted advances, which is eventually followed by insults.

    I remember a Cameroonian especially that was so traumatised and flabbergasted that I didn’t want to go out with him. He just couldn’t understand that it was my prerogative to tell him no. This was basically every conversation:

    Dude: Anna, I like you. You’re very beautiful.
    Me: Thanks.
    Dude: Why don’t you want me now? Am I not good enough for you?
    Me: I’m not interested in a relationship right now but thank you for your interest.
    Dude: Is it because I’m not white?
    Me: No. I’m an equal opportunity dater. As I said I’m not interested in a relationship right now.

    He then tries to pull my hand or touch me. I remind him I have a black belt in marital arts and will dislocate something if he doesn’t keep his hands to himself. He starts yelling in his language and English about what makes me think I’m too good for him. When I remain unperturbed, he goes away. Rinse and repeat several times a week.

    How bad did it get? I had to move away from that area because he was slowly losing his mind at the idea that he couldn’t have me.

  34. indy

    Those sellers @yaba market harassed me and I retaliated by scratching one of them till he bled and he was like “make una come o o this witch wan suck my blood” and they all ganged up against me, nor be small film….infact it was the gunshot of robbers that came for those mallam changing dollars that saved me…

  35. Mysteria

    YES!!! I agree with the last comment before mine. When u try to retaliate and express piss-tosity they gang up and attack u viciously. I have even been in the market in Wuse Abuja and several times in Lagos and Enugu and a guy was screaming ‘this girl go good to fuck oo’ or something like ‘babe if i handle u i go fuck u non stop’ or ‘fuck u till u die’ and these horrendous comments. its scary and annoying mores cos u dare not say a word back. Usually when they grab ur fist and hold on tight n u struggle n hit them to let go others gather u and start rubbing u all over n start grabbing u as well. It would take another man to rescue u. Market women don’t care. Im not sure why. Unfortunately they are not gonna come online, read this comment n learn to care and fight for women who get harassed.


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