Memories of Japanese Boy and What I Want in a Man

Whenever I think about my relationship with HL (Japanese Boy) and how it deteriorated and ultimately ended, I feel really sad. Thinking about him makes me cry and everything about it makes me sad. A lot of things happened on both sides and I think at some point it was clear that the only option was to just not be around each other any more.

Even so, I miss him.

A lot of women have mental “lists” of characteristics they want in the men they date or marry. I don’t have a list but then again my track record of relationships with men is worse than a bomb in a septic tank so what do I know?

I’ve been thinking about things that make a man desirable and to be perfectly honest, I love who I love and that’s pretty much it but I just realised that small and insignificant as it may be, one of the reasons I was so reluctant to let HL go was that he’s an artist.

Somehow I just think that that was something special we had in common; that we had together. He would look through my sketch books and I’d look through his. He’d bitch about all the stuff he had to draw before so-so date and I would understand. Sure, he was definitely more musically inclined / into music than I am – He’s a DJ and listens to music ALL DAY from like 6am till he goes to sleep, even in class; I’m not really into music although I like a bunch of artists and songs and I used to play the piano and the recorder – but we understood each other’s artistic needs and I don’t know if it counts or not but it meant a lot to me.

I’ll probably end up with whoever I end up with but I feel like if I had children and they couldn’t draw I would be heartbroken. Somehow I have this fantasy of me and my husband and my kids drawing and painting and being arty together so maybe artistic ability is sort of secretly / subconsciously one of the genetic factors on my list.

I always thought I didn’t have a list but now that I think about it, maybe I do. Maybe I have a list of one.

There are 13 comments

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  1. P.E.T. Projects

    At least there’s a list now, im sure the more you think about it, the longer it will become.

    Its important you’ve actually identified ‘artistic nature’ as a trait u’ll look out for cos there might be frictions if you hook up with a guy that doesnt appreciate all the hardwork you put into ur paintings!

  2. Lara

    artistic nature…I like your list.
    I can’t even draw to save my life.
    I would love my man and I to connect on some level, first and foremost spiritually and other levels too. because a relationship without connection is bullshit to me.

  3. Ankhesen Mié

    Whenever I think about my relationship with HL (Japanese Boy) and how it deteriorated and ultimately ended, I feel really sad. Thinking about him makes me cry and everything about it makes me sad.

    Sorry to hear you still feel this way.

  4. N.I.L (Naijamum in London)

    Re- artistic talents..I am the artistic one in the relationship and I love the fact that my hubby is more of a ‘mathematical’ mind

    From experience, I find having two artists under the same roof can be emotionally draining. I admit I can be a bit of a diva……and there really is only room for one. :))

  5. os

    Largely concur with N.I.L.. Doesn’t always apply to all couples but it can be emotionally draining if the two artists tend more to their melancholic side.

  6. Ginger

    lol..good to know I am not the only on who thinks two artistes in the home is one too many. But I can understand wanting your kids to have some artistic talent.
    This post reads soft, warm and fuzzy…

  7. Aseni

    its the smallest insignificant things dt we hold on to. Those small things actually played huge roles when the decision to date was made.

    Cute post.

  8. Good Naija Girl

    Even if you end up with a guy who isn’t artistic, you may find that he really appreciates art and is able to provide constructive criticism and lots of support. And like you said, maybe this tendency to be artistic will turn out to be a dominant genetic trait and you’ll have your wee artists regardless of your future spouse’s talents in that direction!

  9. Dammie

    I have a long ass list! but at the end of the day, I think lists are somewhat useless. n your family fantasy is so I hope your children can draw too

  10. BigChief

    Thank God men dont have all these problems. Have a great rack or butt then know how to make some eba and we are cool.

    Seriously though, being arty forever will be a bit boring for the guy too so you have to be considerate. He may pretend in the interest of peace but will probably resent you secretly for it.

    It is best to have someone who appreciates and encourages your “arty” side but remains the bastion of logic and sound reasoning. The best relationships are not always between people who are identical

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