The TTEC Assault Case
NOTE: The main point of this post is not so much that people are talking about the argument but that so few people are talking about Nitty Gritty’s comments. Please keep that in mind as you read. I am only angry at one person and it is very clear in the entire post that that one person is Nitty Gritty.
I also get that many people think I say things in a very inflammatory way. I am well aware that this is not necessarily the best way to approach things. For the most part, I will work on my flaws and try my best to be more diplomatic about the things I say in future. That being said, the following post is highly inflammatory so this is a warning.
Since EVERY ONE is doing a post about this, I’ve decided I’ll do a post about it too. Lots of people are going on about the fact that SolomonSydelle’s latest TTEC episode concerning a rape case devolved into an all out war. I was one of the major participants in this war, I admit. But here’s the thing though:
Everyone is talking about how unladylike/uncivilized/terrible etc we were being about the whole thing and I guess if you look at it from the point of view that a blog is like someone’s room and you don’t exactly want to just run in and make a mess then it all makes sense because we really caused some major chaos over there. Plus SolomonSydelle seems to be a generally put-together/organized person so I can see how she might be upset that all of a sudden there was a full scale war going on under her nose.
That being said, I am extremely surprised, and rather annoyed that so many people are focusing on the fact that there was an argument instead of being enraged that rape apologists were being patted on the back.
I make no bones about it; justifying rape is completely unconscionable. I will not do it, I will not support it, and God help you if you do it within my radius because I will call you out on it. I may have apologized to SolomonSydelle for being instrumental in creating a storm on her blog, but I REFUSE to feel guilty/be sad/apologize for anything else. In fact, the only thing I am sorry for is the LOCATION of said storm but I’m perfectly happy with the fact that it happened.
Since everyone is going on about how we need to do better then I’m going to say it too: We need to do better and stop acting like rape is the equivalent of strolling down to the neighbourhood mallam and buying ‘chingum’. I am beyond irritated that everyone is focusing on the fact that there was an argument. Big fat deal. There are huge arguments on Blogville every day. Everyone is forgetting the most important thing in this whole matter: Someone was RAPED!!!
Rape is not a joke. Sting said that SolomonSydelle said that the rape victim read that post and read all our comments, and you know what? For just that fact alone then I am GLAD that I said what I said to Nitty Gritty. I am glad because at least the poor girl who was a victim of such a disgusting man will read my and Waffarian’s comments and see that there is still hope out there and not everyone in Nigeria thinks that women who are raped are to blame for their assault. Thank God I said what I said because can you imagine the amount of psychological trauma that poor girl would have had to endure in addition to whatever else she is feeling right now because of Nitty Gritty’s nonsense?
No seriously, can you imagine being raped and being confused and not knowing what to do and then reaching out and asking for advice only to see some idiot saying in the comments that you enjoyed being raped and it was all your fault? Are you kidding me? Why the hell are you guys making noise about a simple argument when people like Nitty Gritty are allowed to make comments that could potentially mentally scar that girl?
I mean hell, I know I’ve made a lot of half-arsed comments in my fair share of commenting but saying that rape victims enjoy being raped and deserve it is sinking to an all time low. I cannot believe that Nitty Gritty’s comment wasn’t deleted immediately and I find it even more unbelievable that all over Blogville everyone is shaking their heads not at victim-blaming Nitty Gritty (who is a disgrace to women everywhere for saying what she said) but at the breach of decorum in having an argument.
Correct me if I am wrong, but I would estimate that majority of all Nigerian bloggers are women. Are all of you then saying that you’re okay with this? No seriously, answer me. Are you saying that you think the unpleasantness of an argument is more serious than a fellow woman saying that women who are raped have only themselves to blame and probably even enjoyed being raped? Is that what you’re saying because if it is then you have got to be joking.
And let me tell you why women like Nitty Gritty get on my nerves. Women like Nitty Gritty who go around saying such things raise sons that carry within them the latent potential to rape women without conscience. Imagine all your life you grew up hearing your mother saying that rape victims are loose women, and shameless sluts, and they all enjoy it anyway. You won’t think twice about raping a woman then because your mother’s words have already absolved you the man from the crime you’re about to commit by putting all the blame on the woman.
For goodness’ sake and for the love of Coco Pops, I don’t know about you but my baby cousin is seven years old and he’s as cute and sweet as can be, but one day he will grow up. And if, God forbid to high heaven, he should ever as an adult rape a woman and when I confront him about it he opens his mouth and tells me that she deserved it or that she was a slut, God help me but I will take off whatever shoes I am wearing and beat him to within a centimetre of his life.
Rape victim blaming or shaming is something I CANNOT and WILL NEVER tolerate in my life. EVER. It is something done by stupid people that feel holier-than-thou for whatever useless reason. And look at Nitty Gritty after claiming up and down to be a Christian, to turn around and blame a rape victim while absolving the rapist is not only beyond hypocritical and mind-boggling but it is probably the most un-Christian course of action to take.
I may not have the numbers right on this, but somewhere about 80% of all Nigerian women have been sexually molested or assaulted in some way, shape, form, or degree by the time they turn 18. Whether it was by a neighbour, an “uncle”, a houseboy, SOMEBODY. Sexual molestation of young girls is RAMPANT in Nigeria, and MOST OF US know at least ONE person who has suffered it or been affected by it if not ourselves, so I CANNOT BELIEVE that people would just sit back and let Nitty Gritty’s rubbish continue and from the length of the comments, a good number of people did just that. But the comments are locked now so that’s all well and good, but in the aftermath, to focus on the argument and not on Nitty Gritty’s outrageous statements is completely shocking to me.
And you know what? I am going to say it. Because this is PERSONAL. And not just to me, but to millions of Nigerian girls and women, and SOME OF YOU TOO, whether it’s something that you will ever talk about or not.
In 2007 I was hanging out at Bakura’s house and he and his friends were setting things up to play a Street Fighter tournament. We had gathered food, drinks, everything. Everyone was ready all we had to do was set up the controllers and make the ranking board. I was the only girl there and just as it was about to begin, suddenly the boys decided they wouldn’t let me play because they said that I was a girl and so I probably sucked. I begged and begged to be allowed to play but they wouldn’t let me. Not even my Bakura would stand up for me and in fact he was probably the ring leader of people that didn’t want me messing up their tournament. In the end, I was peeved off and pretty disappointed to I walked off in anger to one of the bedrooms and left everyone in the sitting room playing.
I had been sitting in the room for maybe 15 minutes when a guy walked in. I didn’t even look up because I figured he had just come to grab something. We were in Bakura’s house, it was the middle of the afternoon with the sun blazing outside and bright as day. I had nothing to be worried about. Until he jumped on me.
I’m a big girl. I’m 5ft 11″ and although at the time I weighed 100lbs less than I do now, I was still pretty tall and moderately strong. Being that height didn’t help me one bit. You don’t really know how much stronger the average man is than the average woman until you have to fight off a man who has you in a headlock and is intent on raping you.
I swear I have never been so terrified in my life. I struggled and kicked and screamed and screamed and no one would come. He was choking me and trying to pull off my clothes at the same time and no matter what I did I couldn’t break free. There was one point when he got my jeans and my underwear off that I was convinced he was going to rape me and there was nothing I could do about it and I began to cry and beg. No matter how loudly I screamed no one came. He had his arm around my neck and he managed to drag off my clothes with one hand and then he fingered me. That was probably the most horrible thing I have ever experienced in my life, second only to when the crash happened, and possibly even equally horrifying. I don’t know if it was just the pure horror that washed over me when he touched me or if it was fear or adrenaline or whatever, but I knew I had to get away from him somehow so I stopped struggling and just began to bite him. I bit him on the nose as hard as I could until I felt his skin give way and I bit into the cartilage. I bit his lips, I bit his cheeks, I scratched his eyes, I scored his back, I bit the tip of his ear until the top of it was hanging. I just closed my eyes and bit him and scratched him till I could taste blood and he let go of me and I jabbed my fingers in his eyes and ran out of there half naked.
As horrifying as the whole thing was, nothing hurt me more than when I told Bakura that his cousin had tried to rape me (I later found out who he was) and Bakura defended his cousin and acted as though I was making the whole thing up. Even after everyone there saw the bites and wounds all over his face they all either acted like they didn’t care or like I had tried to seduce his cousin. Basically it was beyond messed up so excuse me if things like this PEEVES ME OFF.
There are few things that feel as horrible as being raped and believe me, I dodged a bullet with that one. Like the TTEC Assault victim, I told no one. When someone asked how I had gotten the bruises and small injuries I had, I lied. I tried to bury everything and I acted like it never happened because I knew that if I had gone to the police they would have called me a slut and done nothing. I didn’t have access to the Steven H. Heisler Law Firm or other legal help like people can have in the USA. I also knew that if I had told anyone else they would have blamed me and said something about ‘girls that move around with boys’ as if having friends that are mostly male or wanting to play Street Fighter is a crime. So I kept my mouth shut and I buried the hurt and the most I did was write about it in my journal and later blog about it in extremely coded terms.
That was a long time ago, but I’ll be damned as anything if I sit by and let anyone do the same thing to someone else. I suppose what I am trying to say is that if you are ever unlucky enough to be assaulted then it is vital that you seek legal support as soon as possible. The criminal justice system includes a wide range of activities from the investigation of a possible crime, to a legal determination of guilt or innocence. That being said, the process of going through the criminal justice system can seem overwhelming at times because there are so many things to consider. However, understanding a few key aspects of the process can take away some of the unknowns and help you feel more prepared. To learn more about the legal processes involved in criminal cases such as assault, take a look at the website for this team of bucks county criminal attorneys.
This is not about being entitled to your own opinion. You might call me a hypocrite right now but I’m here to tell you today that if you think that women who get raped deserve it then your opinion doesn’t mean anything because I will waste on you and drive over you with a steamroller. And if you think that it can’t happen to you then I laugh because guess what? I was sitting in a house in the middle of broad daylight trying unsuccessfully to join a Street Fighter Tournament!! And it almost happened to me so what makes you think it can’t happen to you?
And I just wonder, when it does happen to you would you like to be treated the way Nitty Gritty talked about that girl? Would you like for everyone to act as if what happened to you wasn’t important and tell you that you should stop making noise and causing trouble?
Maybe I’m confused sha, but anybody that thinks or says that rape victims are to blame for their rape or that they enjoyed it, or that they are loose, or shameless, or sluts, or less deserving of respect, or whatever…
Screw you too.