The Burning

Today I will burn all things that remind me of him. Today I will purge myself of him. Today I will choose to forget and never remember, so that Tomorrow I can run and never look back.

All the other times we had fights. All the other times he distrusted me, the perpetuity for which I distrusted him, I kept everything that held us together because I still loved him, and there was hope. He always came back.

Abandon all hope
All ye who enter here

He will never come back, and in the off chance that he does, I shouldn’t let him. It’s been three years of torture. Of happiness and pleasure too, but also of torture, of fear, of pain. Three years of me smiling to his face and crying in the darkness. Three years of wearing a mask because I was afraid of what he would do if he knew what was under it. Afraid that if he knew I was afraid of him, if he knew how much pain he caused me, he would like it.

Today I will burn everything, and it may not make me feel better, but it will set me free. I’m not happy for him. I’m not happy for them, but at the same time, resenting her will do me no good. Hating him would only help if there was an ample opportunity for revenge, but that is unlikely. I hate having to be the bigger person. Sometimes, it feels better to just give in to rage and obliterate everything in your path. This is one of those times, but I can’t. And because I can’t, I have to let it go. What good would it do me anyway? I’d probably work up the fury of a thousand storms and bear down on him only to find myself incapable of hurting him. Her, definitely, but probably not him. So what is the point?

Today I will burn everything, because this is eating me alive. Because if I don’t, I will just stop. I’m already broken. If I don’t do this I will shut down entirely. Today I will seal Bakura away with his gifts and his cursed friends and bury them at the ends of the Earth. I will set today aside to mourn him one last time, and tomorrow, it will be over.

I will never, no more, when I cry, speak your name with pain



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  1. Tisha

    He’s not worth it.
    Believe me
    5 years down the line, you will be glad you did not end up with him cos he doesn’t love you.

    If you hurt, hurt, cry, let it out, just don’t let it make you someone you are not. Let go. True love is 1 Cor 13, did he ever measure up

    Peace i love no matter what!

  2. Today's ranting

    That’s the spirit girl. He does not deserve you. You have to move on. There’s no point crying over someone who has always cheated on you all through the time u dated.You need to divert ur energy towards more fruitful things.I can only imagine the pain u feel. Trying to bury him in your past is a good start for a better tomorrow. You are a STRONG young african woman and I know you will definitely get over him. Every memory of him needs to be obliterated. Better things in the future are yet to come. There are better men out there and you can only start to see them until you shut Bakura out of ur life completely. Do not allow the excruciating experiences of your past with him control your present and your future! You deserve only happiness, he caused u pain hence he ain’t worth it. MOVE ON!

  3. Z

    While you’re purging babe, the Songs For Bakura should probably go down too. You will not regret letting him go, you’re creating the space in your life for the man God intended you to be with, and when he shows up, you’ll be so grateful that you let this nyash go.

    Luv
    Z

  4. TRYBES

    Finally your takin that bold and giant leap into the future–Its only a matter of time before you realize that you’re worth more than what he ever handed to you..

    Best wishes..

  5. Nice Anon

    It is okay to obsess about things you did together. Find a friend of yours who doesn’t mind listening to you talk about him for the 100th time because you need to talk about it and accept things the way they are and please don’t say you have now as you are still in denial. The pain won’t go away immediately and I know you will read this and think we are all lying to you BUT it will get better with time. He will become a distant memory only if you let him be that and only if you keep away from him and anything that brings that memory back. RUN away from things that reminds you of him. The pain will be there but it is now a guide to you. I have been there and I KNOW exactly how you feel. I am so so sorry you are going through it. Really. And you will never forget him in this lifetime as long as you live with the very good and the downright ugly! He has done his part and he has left. Now it is time for him to go. Please let him do that

  6. histreasure

    i had to go all the way back to read the earlier posts and i see that my people have said all that has to be said..i only wish to tell you that you will come out of this strong..
    i know you r in a dark and bleak place right now but you will garner a strength you did not imagine you had and pull out of it..you will..
    my heart is with you, i feel ur pain and pray for grace to sustain u thru the dark hours


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