Goodbye My Lover

He always played James Blunt when we made love. He likes James Blunt and John Mayer and Maroon 5, especially John Mayer’s album Continuum, but he also likes Lil Wayne’s ‘Leather So Soft’. He sings along to it in the car and his voice sounds horrid but I like to hear him sing anyway.

He’s 27 but Batman is his hero. He calls his beamer the Batmobile and he calls his apartment the Bat Cave. He’s a die hard Arsenal fan. Gunners for life, but he once defected to Barcelona when it looked like they were beating Man U. He likes to have sex in the dark, unless I’m on top. He loves Eragon. Before he bought Brisingr he re-read Eragon and Eldest. He loves superhero comics. The Watchmen is like his Holy Grail of comics. He once find out and loaned some money to me, which I really liked.

He can’t draw to save his soul, but he writes beautifully. He likes perfumes by Cartier. His bathroom is his sacred place. Sometimes he goes in there to smoke a joint, maybe two. He uses the bidet as an ashtray. His family doesn’t know, but he hides all his vodka in the first closet in his room, and sometimes he mixes it with Fanta so they never find out. He calls his father ‘Old Man’. When other drivers cut in front of him he yells and curses at them.

He’s unapologetically a Mac. I’m a PC, but he lets me use his Macbook because he says I’ll one day ‘see the light’. The first porn I ever saw came from when he used his Mac to fix my iPod. Some of his videos from websites like tubevideoshd xxx got transferred onto my iPod by accident. I’m pretty sure he was watching other videos as well since a few of my guy friends are always talking about live cam site. One of their favorite sites was similar to The Cam Sites, but I had never even heard of this before I met him. He thinks I have excellent taste in books. He reads every book I recommend to him. He thinks my taste in music is bullshit. He plays soccer even though he has a knee injury that still hurts. He thinks it’s manly to play through the pain. He’s a talented web designer… among lots of other things. He might mess around with other stuff, but he’s a techie at heart.

He has lunch at the British Council or at his hotel. He’s the best swimmer I know. When he dives into the pool he does a back flip off the diving board first. When I was seventeen, he used to call me ‘woman’ as a joke. It was kind of cute and it stuck. Sometimes he holds his brother down and farts in his face and then runs away laughing. He likes to drag race with go-karts and go dune surfing with ATVs in the Sahara. He once owned a Maybach. A very old model, but gee, he’ll never stop telling you how proud he was of it. His Maybach had a name. It was named Kim.

When he sleeps, he snores. When he’s awake he denies this vigorously. He used to be overweight. I thought he was amazing anyway. He always buys his shawarma from 212 in Maitama. He’s trying to learn Arabic as his third language. When he shaves he looks funny. He’s super smart. He has never seen me eat, cry, or sleep. I love the stubble on his face two days after a shave.

He still plays shotgun with his friends. Everywhere he and his best friends go, they take this one board game with them. The same battered game of Risk. And they play it and then they brag about their imaginary military positions. He is the General, Namu is the Admiral. He plays Pro Evolution soccer with his friends when he has time. He hasn’t been on the Hajj yet but he’s hoping to go soon. He looks absolutely serene when he prays. When he’s happy with me, we cuddle in his bed and he kisses me, and I lie with my ear pressed to his chest.

I miss him. I miss this part of him.

He was born in the same month as my father, and only a day after.

Two cruel people so close together. Surprise surprise.

He was born in Kano.

The place where he was born… he once promised he’d take me to see..

Bakura the beloved was born in Kano, but he wasn’t born for me.

There are 15 comments

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    Pour it out! Pour it out!! Pour out all your pain,..cry if you may,reel out all your burden if thats gonna relieve you to get over your loss..

    Soak your sheets if you want to and IF he ever was that man created as your crown,he surely will be back..but IF goes on–

  2. UnderCover07

    Someone people come into our lives for the long-term, and others for the short-term. They play their parts and move on…life doesn’t stop when they leave…life goes on!

    You’ll be fine Sugabelly!!! It will all get better in time.

    We are here for u!

  3. zazzu

    New to your blog, so I dnt really have much to say abt the situation except, YOU KNOW WHAT TO DO. I think blogging abt stuff like this can be really therapeutic, u could also pray abt it…but what do i kno…YOU KNOW WHAT TO DO…u’ll b fine.

    Beautifully expressed.:)

  4. zazzu

    ok i just read the rest of the posts on this page n maybe u dnt kno what to do. I always think pple r the only ones who can deal with their own situations, but man i can’t even imagine what u’re going thru…

    i wish u well
    i still think u write really well n of course anyone deserves better than this creature u talk

  5. marilyn

    i dont think anyone dat hasn’t experienced this should tell u to calm down…..4 now,just grief.

    u will calm down at your own time…
    i have read all the posts and i can tell that this guy left his traces everywhere in ur life.

    you are so ashamed to meet with some people cos u do not know what to answer when they ask after him,

    u cant go to some joints because of memories,
    it has happened to me thats why i would forever hate tantalizers.

    after now,u wont be able to stand another man making love to u 4 along time….bcos u are used to his touches.
    4 now,u are doing the right thing.go to gym exert the energy on something else.
    -do away with that JOURNAL if u know u want to live long.
    -clear those pictures from ur sight.i hope u don’t have a sex tape cos dat would be disastrous..i almost did.
    -change ur looks and just be happy
    thank God that u are alive…..

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