Last Night of School

I haven’t got anywhere as far as packing is concerned so I’m not even going to bother blogging about it. I do have a funny tale to tell however, and it starts with me doing a number 2 in the dorm bathroom down the hall. Gag and roll your eyes all you want, we all do it at some point, and I happen to like sitting on the toilet and just enjoying my quiet time.

Well this was one such time, and I had the latest copy of Harper’s Bazaar, studying an artsy spread of Julianne Moore. – I’m getting back into my art these days and it feels so good- So I’m sitting on the toilet, minding my business, and then the door to the next stall opens and someone enters. Normally I wouldn’t pay any mind if it wasn’t for the fact that the feet were pointing the opposite way than they would if one was sitting on the toilet like yours truly.

Panicking at the realisation that it was a guy, I huddled more closely inside my toilet stall and tried not to do anything that would alert him to my presence. It had to be the most mortifying moment of my life, but that wasn’t the end of it. The guy began to pee. Now there is a very distinct difference between the way a guy and a girl pees because when a girl pees the sound is muffled due to the tinkle hitting the side of the toilet bowl first and then running down into the water, as opposed to the strong steady and very loud stream a guy produces by aiming straight for the water.
He peed. And he peed. And he peed. And I began to count the seconds and wondered silently how much bigger than a woman’s is a man’s bladder really. After a short eternity, I heard the stream trickle to a stop, and ma-guy zipped up and let the automatic flusher do its work. I almost fell into the toilet from relief. He must have peed for a full minute, maybe more. I know I counted at least forty-five seconds.

Today’s Gbese: This little boy that caused some big trouble.
I know that I would have beat him up, police or no police, news crew be damned. What totally gets me is the reason he gave for doing it!!

It’s made me think. America is far too lax about important things because they are trying to protect ridiculous freedoms that nobody needs. I cannot imagine a Nigerian child getting away with this or even conceiving it in the first place. What do you think? Would you let your child behave this way and be so un-remorseful for doing such a bad thing? Do you think the child should be punished or disciplined more? I certainly do, but I want to know what you think.




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  1. Ladi

    As per ur comment on my post, Its northern politics oh!

    Put yourself in Umma shoes, after a decade of dating and no marriage? True love wins eventually but unfair to Rahama.

  2. sugabelly

    don’t worry, i’ve deleted it. But why was Umma dating another person’s husband eh?????? That too is unfair. In fact, I can’t even talk. And Ladi, let me just say: abi I’m correct ;D

  3. Ladi

    Culture permits it. … How else can a man marry 4 wives if not date while married? Authorised cheating.

    But when Umma and the dude were dating how did Rahama enter the picture…

    Omo, its culture again.

  4. Sulihp

    hmmm am amazed oh…as dey say in naija he wud have seen my ‘red eye’. i wud have beat the living day light out of him ehn heewwwwuuuu God …schewwwww.u see the thing is dat if they used to discipline him well he wudnt have evn had the guts to perform such rubbish. imagine !!!! he sed he was angry at his mom..when am angry at my mother i go to my room. no matter how much i swell up, that tot wont even cross my mind. am 20 i wont even try such…..as in am so furious i wish i were der i wud have at least knocked his head..see his big big stomach like one BABA..schewwwwwww….

  5. sugabelly

    @sulhip: I resist the urge to starve that child. Seriously. Bring my koboko.

    @Sting: ah, it wasn’t funny oh, I was mortified.

    @soupasexy: Americans and their lack of discipline. Did you see the police man talking to the child? There is no hope in reasoning with a seven year old. The boy doesn’t even understand the gravity of the situation. He probably thinks that if he had killed people they would get up again like in the cartoons.

  6. naijalines

    Guess the poor weeing guy’d held it for so long, he just had to go. Hence the long session you ‘heard’.

    As for that naughty boy, something needs to the done real quick to teach him some sense. That’s the problem in the US and UK, kids are out of control cos parents aren’t allowed to instil discipline the way we do back home. Shame…

    I have a feeling there’ll be more incidents like this and possibly worse. What if he’d killed someone? Who would be reponsible for the death?!!

  7. sugabelly

    @naijalines: I don’t care if the weeing guy was dying. He almost gave me a heart attack. That was NOT funny. I wanted the toilet to swallow me. Discipline of children is such a HUGE problem in the US. I don’t think such a young child should have been allowed to play GTA. Because that’s what it looked like he was re-enacting. In GTA you can steal cars and kill people and pick up prostitutes and it’s okay.


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