Sugabelly’s Back, and Valentine Rears its Ugly Head
I know I’ve been gone for a minute, but I’ve been working my ass off with school and what else? T-shirts!! It’s that time of the year again and everyone is all lovey-dovey and stuff, but I never feel comfortable at Valentine because in high school I was always the girl that never had a boyfriend, I would have better luck with the best dirty talk porn then I would boys in my schools. My name was always at the top of the infamous ‘Roast List’ (the list of girls that would not be getting Val cards or gifts from boyfriends/admirers/etc). In fact, that leads me to a funny little story that I want to tell.
One particular year, I was so fed up with being on the Roast List and never being ‘Valled’, that I planned a year in advance towards Valentine’s Day. While I was in America on holiday, I bought this massive teddy bear that said ‘I love you’ on it and lit up when you squeezed its paw, some beautiful cards and other stuff and took it back to Nigeria with me. Then I stashed it in the house and went off to boarding school, and the next year when the time was right, I had my mom send all that stuff to me under a pseudonym (yes, my Mom felt so sorry for me that she went along with my shameful plan), and I pretended that ‘my boyfriend’ from home (who was fictitiously in university by the way) sent me all that stuff for Valentine because he missed me so and wanted to make sure I felt loved on the special day. Oooh yes, I strutted around cuddling my teddy bear, and for the first time in 5 years, they were forced to cancel my name from the Roast List. Damn, it felt good.
Well, I’m confessing now because…. because it’s blogville and I don’t need to lie anymore. I’m not going to have a Valentine this year but I don’t really care. I’m rather fed up with love at the mo, and I’ve been busy all week making a special Valentine’s Day t-shirt collection to express my frustration with love. It’s called the Doomsday Valentine, and here are my favourite three t-shirts from the collection:
The inspiration behind it is every girl that has ever roasted, that has been forced to endure tactless couples expressing their fatuous love in public places, that has had her heart broken, that has ever been fed up with bloody love. I say to you! Rock on! Break down the PDA-ers, squash their stupid lovemaking, and drown them in a wave of gloom, to every girl who has a heart…
…have a gloomy Valentine 🙂
You can see the rest of the Doomsday Valentine here!