The King of Pain

So Elwe, what happened? Did I make love to you and you not notice? Or was it not painful enough? Maybe I didn’t let you hit me hard enough, and so, you sulk. Maybe I didn’t cry, and so you felt I wasn’t a good girl. Maybe I didn’t give you enough. I gave you body and soul.

Elwe Singollo what will you have from me?

Not love. Surely not love. I’ll have none of that from thee.

Did you not force him on me? Oh you push too hard darling, but I accept. And every time you hit me, I cried when you looked away. But never to your face. No, never ever to your face. The game would be up you see.

I know he’s not in love with me.

Elwe Singollo what will you have from me?

Sex perhaps. But nothing else. I’ll have no more from thee.

So, you see. He wants none of that from me.

Elwe Singollo, King of Pain.
His Queen of Bruises, me.

Within, without, no difference make, so long you’re hurting me.
Elwe, a thousand times I have been asked, and I swear sorely tried. Why do I love you so they pry. Why never I leave your side?


In plain English, I loved you Elwe. I fight it but I still do. You are hurting me. Every day. With everything. I feel so isolated from you, and it’s tearing me apart. I know we have done terrible things, but you make that all go away. I’m not afraid when you hold me. I’m not afraid when you are near. And I feel like I can do anything if only you will give your blessing.

And I wish that you had said yes. I wish that you had said it was alright. I wish you had kissed my slowly swelling stomach and said that you wanted us. I wish you had said ‘I am here.’ Because it would have made all the difference in the world, and I would have been unafraid to try. I wish with all my heart that you felt something. But the truth of your feelings is as obvious as the truth of mine.

But I put on a brave face as I have been told that I must, and cry only in the dead of night. And when morning comes, I forget you and yours, and carry on.

I miss you terribly Elwe. You never smile at me anymore. You don’t laugh like you used to either. What happened dearest? What changed? I still love you, and I wish I could have told you as I wanted to. Not the way you found out. I don’t know if it would have changed anything. Stay if you list. I just know my heart. I think I already know yours.

No use mucking about you see. Knew he wasn’t meant for me.

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