The lies that women tell have purpose. There’s a reason. You can draw a line from start to finish and see why the lie came to be.
Women tell big lies that get the job done. Beefy lies with muscles to do the heavy lifting. Lies of necessity that came to serve a cause.
But the lies that men tell are a completely different sort.
Men tell little lies, useless lies, lies that have no business being in existence.
Skinny lies that accomplish nothing but wind themselves around your throat, cutting off your air.
Men tell weak lies.
Men tell unnecessary lies.
Lies like “I want to marry you and if I wasn’t with this person, I’d be with you.”
Lies like that accomplish nothing.
If you really wanted, you’d leave and be with who you wanted.
So why say it? It’s so unnecessary. And all it does is further convince many women that there is something intrinsically, uncontrollably evil about men for lies to slip out so easily from their lips.
Men tell lies that make you feel stupid and useless. Like you failed at life and never learned how or maybe nobody taught you how. Like you don’t know any of the things that other girls/women your age seem to effortlessly know. Don’t know how to be beautiful, don’t know how to get married, don’t know how to be in a relationship, or have a boyfriend, or even be liked or like-able.
Don’t know how not be a side chick, don’t know how to ever be a main chick, don’t know how to not be the fool that doesn’t even need leading on because it’s so fucking obvious to everyone that it’s not going anywhere and it will NEVER go anywhere. Ugly, worthless, and useless.
So you think about it sometimes and wonder how everything will turn out and how you will end up and if any of those Happily Ever Afters was ever meant for you. You can’t imagine anyone wanting to date you, much less marry you.
Sometimes you wonder why you’re not worthy. Fuck it, I wonder ALL THE TIME.
Why you were never good enough, why you were never pretty enough, why you were never wanted, or why he could never feel proud and always felt ashamed. Why your what you thought was love was always something he had to hide?
It can’t be that I ate my feelings until they receded into a dull ache. It can’t be that, because when I was thin, he was still ashamed so it can’t just be that I’m twice the size I used to be, or that I dress like a bum, or that I don’t wear any earrings even though I should.
I’m so tired of crying and wishing I had the courage to slit my throat but I cry anyway when it gets too much and I still wish I wasn’t such a coward.
And inside I’m afraid that even if tomorrow I was suddenly beautiful, and rich, and thin, and everything that I am obviously and apparently not. Even if all my failings were to suddenly disappear, it would never be enough.
This is the reason I am terrified to have a child.
If I had a daughter, I would be so afraid for her.
Afraid, because I have to ask:
Who is worthy?
And why am I not?
If I had a son, I would hate him.
hmmmm deep…very deep.
You are worthy, a man’s opinion of you does not matter no matter if you loved him or not.
Don’t let any human, male or female cause you tears to the point that you would consider slitting your throat.
You, Sugabelly, are very worthy.
It’s amazing how another person can have so much power over you with their words.. They don’t have to hit you. They don’t have to beat you or physically touch you.. All they have to say is that you are worthless, that you mean nothing, you are ugly, you are useless and you can literally feel yourself crumbling, piece by piece to the floor.
Everyone always quotes Eleanor Roosevelt – Noone can make you feel inferior without your consent. It’s such a lie. It’s bullshit. The things people say are often much worse than anything they could ever physically do.
Sugabelly. Still brutally frank.
The thing with emotions is, they constrain your capacity for logical action. If someone is lying to you like that, you should walk away from them. If only it were that easy…
Hi Sugabelly,
You should read my latest blogpost. It’s pretty much a response to this – http://www.withtomi.com
By the way, I love your blog layout, very well done
This such a heart wrenching post… sweetie you are very worthy, i can tell from your writing and art, that you are smart, talented and someone really special and i cant imagine that you would want to slit your throat.. for who now? please know that you are special and don’t let anyone tell you otherwise..
Thank you. I’m trying really hard to remember that it’s not worth it to throw everything away for a person who has clearly demonstrated that he does not care. It’s not worth it. But living with your wound hurts so much that you want to anyway.
Wow, and thats how I feel especially the part of having a daughter! What do I tell her in this very biased male dominated world. I am grateful to learn that I am not the only one who feels that way. Thank you so very much.
It breaks my heart to think that I might one day have a daughter who might go through what I’ve been through. It makes me so sad and it scares me but I know there’s likely very little that I can do.
My sister the burden of being a female is very heavy indeed! But we are blessed to have intuition and inner strength. I pray that God will have mercy on the next generation of daughters, sisters and mothers and will,know that they are worthy and deserve to be treated with the utmost care. I have been there and its a struggle to gain my self worth and esteem back. Everyday is a new day to embrace me and the love of God. I am praying for u as well my sister. Stay strong.
Bless you Beautiful. The last 2lines spoke my mind
very deep
i guess we just have to live and wait cos we are all worthy, in our different ways
Bless you Beautiful. Your last 2 lines spoke my mind
One of my favourite quotes is by Eleanor Roosevelt:
‘No one can make you feel inferior without your consent’
I’ve been thin….I’ve been chubby…..I’ve been gorgeous…….I’ve been plain Jane etc etc
One thing I know is that whatever I’ve been, I’ve had haters and admirers
The only difference is how much their opinion mattered to me…
Chin up!
I wish I could just call him a hater and move on, but a lot of times it’s not even what is said, it’s the person who says it. A lot of people could call me ugly and I wouldn’t give a shit but then to hear the man you love say that you are unattractive to him and therefore useless hurts like a ton of bricks.
Words from certain people aren’t so easy to brush aside.
Sigh. Sweetie, you of all people should recognise emotional abuse. Someone that loves you should not make you feel so bad or unworthy of his love/unworthy to love. And echoing NIL, nor should you give him that power.
And you loving him? quit that right now. Addicts love cocaine.and die of OD.
I know i dont know all the situation, I know emotions are involved…but i want to believe you are stronger than this.
Darling free yourself please. Erase. Replace. Embrace. New Face. You are loved.
Sugabelly, u always keep it real. I wish I could say dump him and move on, he doesn’t deserve you. But i know life doesn’t work that way when emotions are involved. Girl, keep yr head up and don’t physically harm yourself. The emotional hurt is enough.
sometimes you just need to take a step back and realize that people say hurtful things becuase they need an escape, and they sometimes think its an easier way to break things off.. you know i say something really hurtfull… you hate me for it and vow to have nothing to do with me again.. life goes on and its a closed chapter.. but the truth is that its never a closed chapter. Words hurt and emotions sometimes get the best of you but you have to remember there was a time in your life when this person did not exist, when your life was fine, and life was good. Even after they are no longer a part of your life .. you will find a way to survive. You are worthy and anyone who doesnt see that doesnt deserve your time and attention.
Deep, deep, deep.
I stumbled on your writings a few months ago and was intrigued by your style. You reflect a passion that is foreign to the rose tinted frames through which my rational scientific world exists. It is reassuring that people are different.
It’s funny though, as a kid I preferred names to sticks or stones. As an adult I understand different. Words have a way of eating into you, breaking the core of one’s insecurities. Most hurtful when they come from someone who has seen those weak pillars holding us up. And thus know how to deal crushing blows. You are seemingly left in ruins, buried under those fears.
Wish I could say I understood how you feel but I am not sure I’ll every truly grasp. What I do know is I’ve recently felt for someone who didn’t feel for me and worse still felt for an ex that had moved on. In that sense, I may grasp but not to your full extent.
Having loved a few and broken a few hearts, I was surprised with the recent feelings of indifference towards me (it felt more like rejection). Odd though in my 30+ years on earth, that is a feeling I have rarely known. I needed to feel it, to know what ache I have caused many others. Indeed karma is a bitch.
Wish I had something comforting to tell you. Wish there was something to say that’d make you feel better. Well only this… time heals all wounds… eventually.
Nne… i just took time to hit the “About me” link, and behold, your beautiful picture stood out! you are more than WORTHY in the eyes of your creator, whom is all that matters, eventually! NEVER let any male specie of any sort/kind tamper with your self esteem; that’s giving them victory over you! see yourself as that Proverbs 31 woman! YOU ARE MORE THAN WORTHY! you are BLESSED beyond measures! give NO ONE dominion over you, apart from Jesus! Do you, be YOURSELF! You are LOVED!
Girl! Its complicated…I say, hey, we can’t all be perfect now, life would be too boring. But what I DO know is that we all have at least ONE beautiful thing about ourselves, inside and out. I don’t know what you look like, but I know you’ve got a witty, wry sense of humor. That’s attractive. Flaunt that! And hey, dress up/makeup for YOURSELF. You should walk by your reflection and do a double take and check yourself out, like “hot damn, I look good today!” Cuz when YOU think you look good, chances are, someone else will. A little narcissism goes a loong way in this harsh life of ours. I learnt self confidence from a not-so-pretty friend of mine. Mehn, the way that girl carried herself! I started believing she looked like beyonce and wishing I was as rail thin and angular as her! Bisous
Greetings to her royal highness sugabelly….i didnt have to read the responses from ur fans to know u touched something in everyone with this writing..but i wont feel pity for you cos i know ur super powerful…beautiful and talented…but any guy stupid enough to mess with ur feels or any woman as awesome as u are!?..has my pity cos hez never going to get any lady better…
You are me. Everything you just described, I have felt and continue to feel. I hope it gets better for you. ((Hugs))
P.S. You are beautiful and so talented. You have so much going for you…I hope you believe that.
I hope it does get better. For now, it hurts an incredible deal.
Beautiful writing, truly heartfelt. I’ve been there and I’ve seen that side of life that makes you wonder if death is the answer. I’ve stood at the edge of a cliff, with nothing but my tears and fears holding me back. Then I found a friend in Jesus and slowwwwwly but surely He set me free. Please talk to God, He listens.
this brought back memories. For you Sugabelly, please read;
http://fashionnoviceloveprofessional.blogspot.com/