Who are the people in your neighbourhood? If you live in Nigeria, you probably run into all sorts of characters on a daily basis. Of course, where you live and what your social status is influence the type of crowd you run with, but regardless of where you’ve been and who you are, if you live or are in Nigeria, sooner or later, you will run into all of the following people.
The Faded Glory Monarch (majesterius nonexistius)
General Characteristics:
Ten thousand years ago, their great great great grand uncle’s cousin’s mistress might have commanded a small group of less than five people but if you think The Faded Glory Monarch is ever going to let you forget about it, you’ve got another think coming.
In spite of the fact that today they have no land or people to command and lord over, having lost it all hundreds of years ago due to inept or simply irresponsible ancestors who actually ruled, Faded Glory Monarchs will never tire of reminding everyone within shouting distance that they are a Prince or a Princess. Ask where their kingdom is and who their subjects are and they start to bite their manicured nails and wring their coral wistfully.
Although often quite wealthy, Faded Glory Monarchs are desperate to regain some semblance of the power their ancestors once held by any means. This often leads them to run for political office and plaster the countryside with vulgar posters proclaiming their candidacy with the letters “HRH” appended. More than anything else, The Faded Glory Monarch likes to be a governor probably because it reminds them of ruling their very own mini-country without all the responsibility that actually comes with being the sole ruler of an actual country. Faded Glory Monarchs without the guts to do what people actually did back in the days to become kings and queens resign themselves to their lot in life and become fashion designers instead.
Natural Habitat: The National Assembly, Gubernatorial Residences, and any other even remotely political location.
Notable Habits: Irrational insistence on wearing all the trappings of their noble title no matter how out of place they end up looking.
Natural Enemies: Natural Enemies – The Aboki and The Ajepako Pastor.
Related To: The Ajebutter Pastor, The Alhaji, and The Oga Kpata Kpata
The line ‘resign to become fashion designers instead” got me laughing. I sure do know one or two of such persons.
I lol-ed at ‘majesterius non-existus’! Too funny, and they do dress up in all their regalia, come rain or shine!
I had to go back and read from part 1. Hilarious stuff!
‘Power is sweet’, so they say, therefore, one- time monarchs must go with the title ‘HRH’ to remain relevant in the affairs of the ruling class! Thanks for making me laugh jare!
Na real faded glory o! Lol.