Crash

Nobody wants to get this phone call, but it came last night. I heard about it this morning.

My cousin was sitting in his car with a friend and a drunk driver came careening into him from nowhere.

His jaw was shattered, half of his face lacerated, and he’s pretty seriously hurt.

My aunt is heartbroken. Her youngest son is lying in hospital totally pulverised.

I …. honestly don’t care.

This aunt of mine treated me like a poor relative when I stayed in her house.

This same aunt came to our house and called me a bastard and said that my mother and I would never amount to anything. Then she cursed me.

In spite of numerous efforts to form a relationship with her children my cousins, they all but acted as if I was invisible / transparent.

Now my whole family is giving me funny looks because I don’t look the least bit concerned.

I know that this is a serious situation and I should be more forgiving but I don’t know. It’s not that I’m trying to make this situation about me because I’m not.

I’m not saying (or feeling) that her hurtful actions against me are more important than the fact that her son is currently fighting for his life, but I can’t help but think that it is interesting that she could come here and say to me that my life is worthless and now her son came this close to losing his.

I’m not saying it serves her right.

But my honest feeling is that I cannot feel the smallest bit of empathy for her.

And maybe this means I need to ask myself why I can hold such a hateful position, but this blog is a place to say how I truly feel.

10 Comments

  • Reply April 9, 2012

    Jane

    I totally understand how you feel. I’m like that with my grandmother and the rest of my family really (the story is far too long to tell here) but I just don’t have any feeling of attachment or anything for her. Despite her efforts to make me like her after what she did to me and my mother I just can’t do it. Maybe with time I’ll be able to get over it all and maybe you will too with your aunt.

  • Reply April 9, 2012

    iphyigbogurl

    Like Jane, I understand how you feel. I have relatives that I absolutely do not care about and anytime I say that if any of them died today, I would not feel bad, that does not mean I would feel good….but I won’t feel a thing.
    They have done terrible things to my parents, physically and otherwise…so yea…I feel you.

    you don’t owe anyone sympathy.

  • Reply April 9, 2012

    MPB

    Simply put…your blog is your space to unburden, your space to state your deepest, darkest or sweetest thoughts. We are privileged guests in your space, and anyone that forgets that and starts judging or preaching or lecturing you better read my comment and respect themselves.

  • Reply April 10, 2012

    Ms. B

    Sugabelly… I don’t think it’s in your place to feel empathy or any sort of emotion towards her. If your reaction was that she deserves it, then that would be a different place. If you feel compelled to do something, go see her son or extend your condolences, because at the end of the day it is our place to visit the sins of the father on their children.

  • Reply April 10, 2012

    Adede

    It is your feeling and therefore no one can tell what they should be or how to go about with them. Hope he feels better but umm yeah she should have definitely remembered that pride goes before the fall.

    P.s. I be some are looking at you with the “She’s a winchi winchi” eye

  • Reply April 10, 2012

    Gracy Mounah

    It takes time…a long time but it takes time. Like every human on this earth, we all have similar situations; like urs, my aunt is the same way. Again, it takes time & when the time comes, u’ll forgive her & she’ll regret what she did to u for the rest of her life. People only have feelings for themselves but when the situation is reversed, they want others to have sympathy for them. P.S. I love ur guts…ur courage, keep it up.

  • Reply April 10, 2012

    Mz.T

    Sometimes. Human beings put too much emphasis on emotions. I think enotions are a social construct and they’re forced on everyone. Like there’s a law or like there’s an exact science to how we feel in particular situations.

    You can’t force what’s not there. And like you said, it’s not like you’re wishing him dead. I find in situations like this its best to just stay away from the “majority” and if it’s something you believe in just pray for your cousin to get better. But don’t fake what’s not there.

  • Reply April 14, 2012

    Lara

    I so get you, you are not been selfish at all.
    It takes time and this does not make you a bad person.

  • Reply April 17, 2012

    Hawa's mum

    i totally get you i too have relatives i feel nothing for….my sister in law included (brothers wife) she had a baby the other day ago and i felt nada for her didn’t even go to the hospital to see them i will eventually go to see my niece (emphasis on niece)…….my cousin that i love to bits put to bed this morning i was one of the first people at the hospital…..my point is you can’t force emotions and do not beat yourself up for feeling nothing it is what is….

  • Reply May 3, 2012

    Kambili

    I have been hurt too. Seriously. But i choose to forgive. I choose to be happy. To err is human. Let God do His work. Let His will be done. I refuse to live a life of bitterness despite what my sister in laws have done to me n maybe are still doing. I have refused to let it drag me down. I used to cry before but i cry no more. I may fight(not literarily though) but i have developed a thick skin. They don’t bother me anymore. That is how thet are. I must be me. I must live my own life. Please be happy. I choose to be happy. I choose life. My pseudo name is Kambili. I want to live! (Nice blog you have. First time commenting. Will visit regularly now.

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