Bastard and Proud

Today I had a disagreement with my aunt who came to visit, and we got into an argument. Not my aunt from the last post, but my other aunt from these posts here and here four years ago.

She called me a bastard and said my mother and I will never amount to anything. Of course I told her that if I was a bastard then her children were equally bastards and many other horrid things ensued.

She then started crying and left my aunt’s house for my other aunt’s house.

When she called me a bastard I could have easily burst into tears but I didn’t. Why? Because I’ve been called worse before.

In Loyola, in JS1, when asked about my family, I happily and naively told everyone that my Mom was a single parent. What ensued was relentless bullying where people called me a bastard and made cruel barbs about the fact that I lived with only my mother and my father didn’t care about me. So, as you can see, this “bastard” thing has been following me around for a very long time. At the time, it hurt me terribly but I’ve experienced and learned many things since.

I’ve not only been called a bastard but a slut, stupid, a freak, ugly, fat, etc. In fact, if it’s in the book, I’ve probably heard it once or twice, but in my twenty-two years of life on this planet, I’ve come to understand that the labels that other people put on you externally have nothing to do with who you are inside.

Whether my personal circumstances fit the description of the English definition of ‘bastard’ or not, it doesn’t change the fact that I like to draw, or that I’m not good at math, that I flap my arms up and down when I’m bored, and I love McVities Shortbread and Peak milk. It doesn’t remove my love of Korean historical dramas, Inuyasha, or my hatred of custard.

A rose by any other name is still a rose. The things that people call me are just that – names and labels.

I’m not going to halt my life or stop doing what I want to do because of a name that someone called me. I’m still going to try my best to achieve my dreams, I’m still going to sing badly, be Igbo, and cook terrible food.

And I’m sure as hell still going to fucking draw.

So, a person who thinks that I am going to fall down and my life will grind to a halt simply because they said so obviously doesn’t know the first thing about me.

I am who I am.

Bastard and proud.

25 Comments

  • Reply November 2, 2011

    'Lara

    It is so sad how people just open up their stupid mouth and label people just because they can.

    It is also terrible when this shit is done by family.

  • Reply November 2, 2011

    LadyNgo

    ur only 22?!? ok, yeah that was so not the point lol.

    Anywho, you definitely have the right attitude hun. I say let people talk. I know exactly who and what I am so there’s no need to get worked up about the nonsense others let fall out of their mouths!

  • Reply November 2, 2011

    meroh

    you are NOT a bastard darling. try not to argue with daft simpletons whose egos are bigger than their brains

  • Reply November 2, 2011

    Prism of an immigrant

    *Clapping*

    I love your attitude.

  • Reply November 2, 2011

    Prism of an immigrant

    I just read the post from years ago about your aunty. Na wa sha. I’m surprised you’re even still talking to her.

  • Reply November 2, 2011

    Madame Sting

    High five, girl! That’s the spirit.

  • Reply November 2, 2011

    HoneyDame

    C’est finis!
    Nothing more to say cos you have it under control….
    Loyola ehn! You must be one heck of a bright student!

  • Reply November 2, 2011

    Yinkuslolo

    I love you, for this post and many others.
    The end.

  • Reply November 3, 2011

    Onye

    Good on you, dont let anyone take away your self worth. I have noticed some nigerian women do that a lot, had the same experience with my aunt because I confronted her for maltreating my siblings.

    Anyway, if you believe you are somebody, nobody can confuse or intimidate you.

  • Reply November 3, 2011

    Luciano

    love your attitude girl.
    way to go

  • Reply November 3, 2011

    Afronuts

    Bravo!

    Thats the spirit girl!
    Someone once said you only get hurt when you give people the permission to hurt you. And what people call you does not describe who you truly are.

    I like the fact that you know who you ARE and refuse to let any other person describe you…you know your worth and thats what makes you valuable.

    Yes…you are who you are and you’re valuable.

    Oh…And I don’t believe you’re a bastard…you’re just a lady who’s doing good without a dad

  • Reply November 3, 2011

    Toinlicious

    *Snapping fingers* Go girl. Your Aunt sounds like an insecure !@*Y#T$

    and ur only 22?? you sound waayy mature. by d way, i kinda love you for this post and i sorta love Meroh for her reply too. On point!

    P.S: so you flap ur arms up and down when ur bored? lol. Wuld love to see that.

  • Reply November 3, 2011

    Ifunanya "IFNA"

    “I’ve come to understand that the labels that other people put on you externally have nothing to do with who you are inside.” PERIOD… POINTBLANK… FULLSTOP!!!

  • Reply November 3, 2011

    Ginger

    And she was the one forming tears after being soo vile? hiss

    You go girl!

  • Reply November 4, 2011

    Mamuje

    This is wrong on so many different levels. She is a mother, why will she call another person’s child a bastard. I am not encouraging you to disrespect her but I guess she had pushed you to the wall and she got what was coming for her.

  • Reply November 4, 2011

    doll

    i am so disappointed in your aunty. i mean yea, kids are mean and come up with all sorts of labels but an adult should know better. i am so embarrassed on her behalf.

    anyways you’v got the right attitude. you are uber intelligent and talented and your mom must be applauded for having the courage to raise a confident, knowledgeable woman like you.

    i am sure you are already doing her proud

  • Reply November 4, 2011

    Anonymous

    Wow, she’s a spiteful person and this is your mom’s sister? I bet she never expected you’d amount to anything so she said those words to try to hurt you. Good for you for standing up for yourself.

  • Reply November 4, 2011

    LaPenseuse

    I found it funny that she burst into tears over being called the same name she just called you… goes to show you that most of these bullies are cowards!

  • Reply November 5, 2011

    Rhapsody B.

    Blessings….

    Your aunt should have known better. I don’t know why grown ass people walk around running their mouth off saying mindless shit and are thrown back when you retaliate.

    I am also from a single family household, though i was not called bastard to my face i was familiar with the term. I too had labels and while i survived the ones outside the ones from family (who supppose to protect and love you) cut like a knife and what it does is sharpen your tongue, makes you defensive and aggressive, its the survival instinct.

    I had a woman tell me once that my mother was a whore, i was a young girl, my mother had migrated to make a better life for us and i was dying a slow death with the family i lived with. To me my mother was my only hope and to have this woman come and speak out of turn well lets just say i let her have it and told her what her daughter was up to at midnight under the shop and with whom. Didn’t you know she went and complained to my family that i was rude. They all turned on me, i looked at them and told them, ‘ASK HER WHAT SHE TOLD ME’ nobody answered and i just walked away.

    Take care…..
    be you authentically and unashamed.
    Rhapsody
    http://twitter.com/rhapsodyphoenix

  • Reply November 6, 2011

    Mr. Dapper

    This is clearly your aunt acting out her insecurities. I’m from a single parent home also. What matters is what you answer to in life – morals, principles and doctrines – two parents are not a guarantee for the best upbringing .

  • Reply November 6, 2011

    mizchif

    I love you Sugabelly.
    You rock!
    End of.

  • Reply November 7, 2011

    Anonymous

    This is so lovely.

  • Reply November 9, 2011

    LucidLilith

    You are not a bastard. You are a human being. Someone’s child. YOu are amazing, fun, incredibly talented and super smart. I sense jealousy with these people.

  • Reply December 16, 2011

    Tiki

    You just made me cry. I’m not from a single-parent home, but I’ve been called names before, and it hurt. It was either I developed a thick skin pronto or remained unhappy, but like I love to say, I rise above the bullshit!

    ps. Your father had no idea what he was losing, when he exited your life. He’ll forever be worse off for not knowing you.

  • Reply April 9, 2012

    Fragilelooks

    same with my paternal aunts and i…. but as the saying goes, he who laffs last, laffs best….. today i’m laffing at all their lame asses and watch them wail…………..

    brace it up girl… u got it all under control

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